Senna to Williams for 2012 – Why?

Unproven and Inexperienced....

For quite a while now Williams have struggled in Formula One. It is a shadow of its former self. Key people have left, average people have come in. When that happens you don’t go forwards. At best you maintain position. In reality, you go backwards. Williams have been such a formidable outfit over the years, particularly in the Adrian Newey era. They have produced some brilliant cars but they have also had a reputation as treating their drivers, and champions, like dirt. They could always get away with it back in the day because they still had the quickest car and everyone would have jumped at driving it, even for peanuts. They can’t now.

My respect for Williams has increased in some respects recently as they remain the only privateer on the grid. Less budget, Sponsors, personnel. Formula One is dominated by money nowadays and they have been a little left behind. However one thing they should never do is compromise on their choice of drivers. As a team boss you need to know that the driver is getting the absolute maximum out of the car in order to know where you stand.

Mansell, Prost, Senna, Hill, Villeneuve, Montoya, Button.  That is the calibre they used to go for. Wurz, Nakajima, Maldonado, and now Bruno Senna is todays choice. I understand they need money to compete but I don’t think It’s a secret as to why they are at the back of the grid now.

Bruno Senna hasn’t really had a fair crack at the whip in F1. His first season was spent in the Hispania, which was very good at scaring itself off the track. A bit part drive at Lotus last season, when replacing Heidfeld, a car which was one of the slowest at the end of the year. I accept that. But the opinion of people who know him well is that he is no better than average. So Williams give him a drive? I just don’t get it. Instead of Rubens Barrichello, a race winner, most experienced driver in history, with also a passion so undiminished he would race for free. And more importantly, Barrichello is still a great driver who outscored the highly rated but underperforming Maldonado, in what proved to be the worst season in Williams history last year. How is this going to improve them? Two drivers with only about two seasons between them. I would have chosen Adrian Sutil over both of them if I had the chance. Young but experienced and very fast. Sutil in the end made mincemeat of Paul Di Resta, rookie of the year. Honestly, I think Frank Williams has lost touch in the same way as Arsene Wenger has at Arsenal. It’s either their way or the highway. That used to work when they were at the top of their game but not now.

Like my friend Springy said, either of those, particularly Rubens, would have been a stabilising force in a team going through changes and you need drivers whose feedback you can trust. But no, they choose Senna and his money. It’s not going to move you forwards, sorry.The romance of having a Senna at the wheel of a Williams Renault isn’t lost on me, it sounds beautiful. But when the attraction fades, you are left with the reality. And the reality is often a disappointment.

If they continue to choose average than that is what they will become in the end.

I can’t help but tut when I think of Williams. It’s a real shame to see them be so content. They have now lost Patrick Head who has retired and a few more seasons at the tail end of the grid will see Frank Williams selling the team to another manufacturer. Sad.

My Williams driver line up would have been: Adrian Sutil & Rubens Barrichello, or Rubens Barrichello & Jaime Alguesuari. Youth, experience, TALENT.

Not: Bruno Senna & Pastor Madonado.

But what do I know.

Hard Times Don’t Last.

It’s been a great year. Well, compared to 2010 it has. Somewhere around June last year I was probably at the lowest point in my life so far. My long-term relationship had just come to an unexpected end and whilst trying to come to terms with that I then lost my job and was officially unemployed for 7 months. First time in 10 years I had nothing to get up for. I was tired and couldn’t really see how I was ever going to get out of the shit I was in, but most scarily I didn’t really want too. I didn’t turn to drugs or Alcohol, which have never been high on my to-do list and never will be. No, it was much worse than that. I became emotionless and didn’t really give a fuck about anything. I lost respect for myself and everyone else. Not a great way to live. I felt embarrassed but no one would have ever known that.

Thank god there were a few things that kept me going in that period. One of them was the Gym. I consider it my saviour and will always be grateful that it was there when nothing else really was. If it weren’t for the gym I would have turned into a horrible person, shit, I still think that still stands now. The release I get in there stops me from being aggressive towards people, and it stops me from constantly being agitated and frustrated with my life and everything around me. It’s not all vanity, for me It’s a lifeline, a source of confidence. If you don’t go to the gym on a regular basis then you won’t understand. Maybe you will one day if it ever becomes your saviour. Instead of spending my dole money on weed I spent it on a gym membership and went five times a week for 7 months. Because of that I still managed to hang on to the hope that If I was still prepared to do something to better myself then there were perhaps hope that all was not lost.

I then went to London and got my Gym Instructor qualification. A welcome shot of success but still felt like shit. Actually I got this weird sense of guilt when I passed that, almost like I didn’t deserve it. We are fucking weird creations aren’t we. I followed that by getting a teaching qualification in Boxing. In May I got a job in the military Gym on Alconbury Base. It felt fucking awesome. The first thing I was happy about was that I’d be paying my way. I won’t argue with the tax man ever again.

I haven’t looked back since. Well, I do all the time, but I haven’t been back to that place since. I am due to start another new job in January, I got a lovely new Girlfriend, and I have saved up a bit of money in the bank. There was nothing more humiliating to me than not being able to pay my own bills. One time I couldn’t even afford to buy a pint of milk and had to wait four days for my dole money to come through to get some. I very much respect the small things that I used to take for granted now I know what It’s like to live without them. Oh that reminded me of a moment when I had no money and I was sitting in my house and the electric went off. Instead of getting angry, that time I burst out laughing and couldn’t stop. Fuck me, Look at this shit I thought. Kick up the arse.

There are some downsides to this kind of experience though. I have changed quite a bit. I can’t rest very well, I can’t sit and do nothing. Watching a movie is almost impossible. I think subconsciously It reminds me of those dark 7 months, sitting around doing nothing but wonder how I ended up in that position. I don’t have any patience, I didn’t really before, but now I have none. That’s quite irritating for people. Selfishness has certainly become more of a trait in my make-up and I have developed a more “I’ll do what I want” attitude. Stems from living most of my twenties putting other people first and then getting fucked over I guess.

The point I’m writing here is that no matter how bad things get, and everyone’s definition of bad is different, you must try to find one thing that stops you from doing something stupid. If you can find one thing that excites you through all the shit in life, then you have a purpose and a focus to push through it. Every knock I have taken so far has seemed the end of the world at the time, but in hindsight It has turned me to something better. And I always want to do better.

Today, I am so grateful for every tiny thing I have got and I actually look forward to the next challenge. After all, what is experience for If it’s never used? For all the negative things that have changed me, the positives far outweigh them and I am a much stronger person now. Feels like I have played Jigsaws games from the SAW movies and won, minus the lack of limbs and loss of blood.

I’m proud of the miles I’ve walked in my shoes.

 

BERNIE, I DISLIKE YOU.

 

Bernie Ecclestone recently said European venues for Formula 1 are soon going to be a thing of the past. Due to his global interests in making money out of everything and everyone, us F1 fans have to accept that the Far East and South America will soon hold the majority of the races. Bernie, you have pushed our patience so far over the years and if this actually happened I think Formula 1, from a spectators point of view, will be dead.

.........Selfish and Greedy

I cannot imagine an F1 calendar without Spa, Silverstone, Monza, Hockenheim, and the legendary Monaco. I don’t want too, because to me these are categorically the best racing tracks in the world. I’m sure if you got the drivers to list their favourites then these historic venues would come out on top every time. From the flat-out Copse, to the iconic Eau Rouge, the heart and soul of Formula 1 racing belongs to these corners and If they were ever taken away, it would an absolute tragedy.

The problem Bernie has with the older tracks is that sometimes they tend to lack state of the art facilities and accessibility. Run down grandstands, and spit and saw dust pit garages are common place. Ok, fair enough, a certain amount of money has to be invested each year to keep up with the changing times. I don’t have an issue with that. However, surely the most important thing, after all the contracts and politics, has to be the ACTUAL track. The track is what makes a race. The track is what challenges the driver and the car, and offers a great spectacle to the paying public, whether it’s live or from an arm-chair. Or am I being naïve?

Abu Dhabi, India, Singapore, yes, they all look beautiful. The facilities are world-class, the roads leading into them are well-managed and stress free. But they lack heart. They lack atmosphere and history, and most of all they lack an even remotely good race track. Singapore looks sexy under the lights but is about as interesting as I imagine a night out with Andy Murray would be. Helmet Tilke, the chief designer of most of the modern tracks needs to be fired as 90% of his ideas do not work. What cost are you willing to pay Bernie?

Us normal, passionate fans, have already lost F1 on the BBC, which was one of the best presented shows in TV history. Now we have to pay to watch it on Sky. Ticket prices are so ridiculous now that It’s almost impossible for the average dad to take his son to watch it live. Talk about alienating the very people who keep the sport going.

Bernie, it’s a very simple equation. No Audience = No Sponsors = No Sponsors = No funding for the teams = No funding for the teams = No Formula 1.

So why do you keep taking away the best things about OUR sport?

I propose this: Stop lining your greedy pockets and actually invest some of YOUR billions back into Formula 1? Keep the legendary tracks and get rid of Valencia, Singapore, Korea, and a few of the other horrible excuses for racing circuits. The odd far eastern race is fine, as something different. But if it becomes the majority then I feel Formula 1 would never recover.

Oh and lastly, BRING IMOLA BACK!

Why Haven’t I had kids at my age?

So recently a few people, of an older age than my 27 years, have asked me why I haven’t had Children and ‘Settled down’ yet. apparently I am now at an age where I HAVE to give up my freedom, my selfish ways, and my money in order to satisfy social pressure, regardless if that’s what I want or not. Now before I say what I’m about to I want to clarify right off the bat that I categorically deny that I am against having children. I was once a step dad to a beautiful baby boy, (previous girlfriend had a son) and was a part of his life for 2 and a half years. When I think of the best times of my life so far, looking at that baby and him looking at me, was one of the most emotionally profound moments I have experienced. He used to make me laugh so hard with things he used to do and I will always treasure the time I spent with him. I totally see the appeal of having this little living thing smiling at you, relying on you, and, well maybe not shitting on you but anyway, I have found myself getting broody many times but that doesn’t mean that because of that then I should have one. I look at the bigger picture. In today’s world with unemployment at a record high, the economy grinding to a halt, and more and more resources being drained from this (formerly beautiful) planet, I think It would be very selfish of me to contribute to it by having children I can’t afford to pay for by myself. An old lady accused me of being selfish for not wanting that lifestyle but I disagree. It’s more selfish of me to have children when I haven’t the funds to raise them, more selfish of me to put an innocent child into the world when there aren’t even enough jobs for the people who are already here, and more selfish of me to take food out of the mouths of the poor just for my own selfish reasons. At the moment I can barely afford to pay my own bills let alone the bills that a child creates. I have a beautiful new girlfriend but I don’t have the foundation built for something like that, so I choose not to right now. I say that if you can afford to pay for them and you have a solid job then fair enough, have them. I still do agree with that because every effort has been made to financially and emotionally support that child. “..If it is truly what you want, even after reading about the negative factors then go for it But I believe that every country should adopt the one child rule like China until a recovery is made.

Don’t get me started on the people who don’t have any income themselves and have 3 kids and a nice home, all funded by the tax payer. That is selfish beyond belief. These people have no idea how to be responsible. What would they do if the benefit system was closed down? For a start they would actually have to try to put food on the table for themselves.

I don’t take kindly to people labelling me selfish because I am not married with kids and in debt. Look in the mirror before you judge me. A lot of the time people have children because they are unhappy with their own lives and instead of trying to improve it with hard work and effort they try to live their lives through their children. To others it gives them a purpose to be here. To others it’s to add something deep and meaningful to their relationships, and that’s a great thing.  I’m not that intelligent, but some people with real talent, that could really help the world change for the better, opt to instead have a child and settle down which I think is a shame. But Everyone is different.

But eventually there has to be a day where the world is just going to explode because it cannot cope with what’s being asked of it. Humans can be brilliant, but most of the time we abuse our intellect and destroy what we build over time with our behaviour. Very destructive we are.But because it’s many years in the future we don’t care and do whatever suits us. Selfish?

Nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes. The problem is it seems that we don’t learn from them enough.

I’m going on record now and saying that I definitely WANT kids at some point but will I have them? I don’t know. Not until I see some light at the end of the tunnel. And the funny thing is, the people who don’t take responsibility for their actions are probably the reason why I may not. Is that selfish?

Well, I am most definitely selfish.

I don’t want this to come off as a rant at all. Obviously there are many great things about being a parent,  that until I become one I may not fully understand. I accept that with open arms.  I’m most definitely NOT having a go at anyone who has children.

I simply just wanted to clarify to the people who keep trying to make me feel inferior for not having them my views on the subject so they stop asking me.

Oh and another thing..

I love my freedom.

THEME PARK BEAUTY.

Theme Parks aren’t always just about the rides.

and ANOTHER.

SUNSET IN PARADISE.

Life’s a BEACH.

 

The Sun goes down after another vibrant day on Alicante Beach. I want to live in a hut beside this.

Smackdown Town.

Champions, 2005. Too quick, too skillful, too good.

 

The Life Of A General Assistant At Tesco (part 3)

Perhaps the greatest time I had at Tesco was when I first started in 2000. 16 years old, getting interviewed for a large International company, I thought I was fucking awesome. Wrong. I walked into the interview room, in my Kappa shell suit, sat down, and Caroline Horsted, who was recruiting at the time, said to me, ‘’Ok….what’s your name….(looking down and fumbling around in the paperwork)……Carl! Well we only have one job for you at the moment and it’s on the trolleys. And the hours are 4.30pm to 10.30 on Friday nights and Saturday nights.’’ I didn’t give a shit ‘cos I just wanted a job. ‘’What’s the hourly rate?’’ I said. ‘’£2.98’’ she replied. That was more than what I was earning delivering, or not delivering….The Hunts Post, so I accepted.

So on the first day I arrived I met the guys that already worked out there and fuck me they were characters. There was Bill, a 70 something Irishman, crazy as fuck. All he ever did was moan and kick the shit out of the Quick cart 2000 (a trolley pulling machine), John Jones, a 68 yr old wide boy, who to this day is probably the funniest person I have ever met. Any time I started a shift I’d go and say hello and he would always say, ‘’Where you been you Cunt, your late, I want to go for a cup’ tea and a faaaaaag.’’ then he would proceed to fuck off for the next two hours and hide in the bogs. We took him Ice Skating once and he wasn’t getting on very well with it so he sat up at the bar and got twatted on about 15 whiskies. God knows what his Mrs thought when we dropped him off. There was Ted, a 74 yr old, another Irishman who was the slowest worker I have ever seen. He only EVER said these sentences: ‘’No no no no nooooooooooooo trolleys………(a pause and a finger point)….in the bay.’’ That was quickly followed by, ‘’I’m goin’ over the garage.’’ That was his thing, collecting the loose trolleys from the petrol garage. I thought fuck me what have I let myself in for, then I met Russell Baxter. This dude looked like Ben Stiller on crack, a very short temper, and an inability to talk about women without throwing his trolley strap against the bay windows or kicking parked cars with his steel capped work boots. They didn’t like him very much. I nicknamed him Wacky Backy Baxter.

The best thing about working outside was you could pretty much do what you wanted. I used to have my phone on me, CD player (hey, it was 2000), and shit loads of sweets. One time me and my mate Si King (ICE) were working on Trolleys in the evening and decided to take a drive. So while Russell was on his break we drove off down the fair for an hour. When we came back Russell said, ‘’Where the fuck have you two been?’’ so I told him, knowing about his girl problems, that Si had taken me down the fair to get laid with a girl that had been texting me. This guys rage was scary. He went fucking mental saying stuff like, ‘’Why do they wanna sleep with you and not me, what’s wrong with me?’’ He then smashed up some boxes and disappeared inside. He was gone for ages so I went in to find him and he was in the toilets picking his spots. He still works on trolleys now, has done since 1998. Girls don’t really dig trolley dudes after about the age of 13 so I really think he should start a career inside the building.

No managers wanted to come outside to check on us because it was too cold for them so we ended up most evenings sitting in Simons car listening to Westwood rap show or parking up in McDonald’s car park watching the chicks, yes, I did say chicks.

I remember a time when I was working one Saturday and I heard this screech coming around the car park. It was my mates. They parked the car up and got out and one of them shouted to me, ‘’Oi Carl, look what we got, we just been to an Adult video shop and we got all this porn for you to look at.’’ Baring in mind they weren’t that close to me everyone in the car park could hear. One of them opened the sun roof and held up a video, ‘’Carl, we got Lord of the Ring piece for you.’’ I was standing there in an illuminous jacket looking at porn and little did I know that my manager had seen the whole thing from the window. I got a right bollocking for that one. I had an erection the whole time.

Ah good old Tesco days. They moved me inside shortly after that incident and then I became known as ‘Bread boy, ‘Instead of, ‘Trolley Wally. I had worked at Tesco for 3 years at this point and hardly one fucker knew my name beyond the Car park. I loved it though because they didn’t know what they were letting themselves in for putting me on the shop floor……

The Life Of A General Assistant At Tesco (part 2)

John Hosier is the savour of all teenage fuck-wits at Tesco. He is the union rep of all reps. He is the man solely responsible for saving the jobs of all the general assistants who do something wrong, be it something small like saying ‘Cunt’ in front of a customer, or gross misconduct like ‘half inching’ a dented tray of quality streets on the night shift because they were damaged and couldn’t be sold in that state…! I nicknamed him Flanders from the Simpson’s because of his finely groomed beard and sunny demeanour.

‘’Alright Flanders, guess what?’’ I said.
‘’Your pick rate is shit and you got to have a meeting upstairs?
‘’yep haha, will you come with me?’’
‘’Of course I will, anything to get out of this shit fucking job.’’ Replied Flanders.

Now bearing in mind he is on the union and he’s over fifty, he had a surprising hatred of the establishment at Tesco and referred to them as ‘a bunch of Cunts’ on many occasions. In-fact most of the times I would come round with my trolley the first thing he would say to me was, ‘’you know what they are don’t you?’’ and I’d go ‘yeh I think so,’’ then he would say, ‘Their a bunch of Cunts,’’. That was John.

So the meeting is being prepared and you are asked to wait in the canteen while they get there fucking note taker ready and make sure their pens are full to the brim with ink. This was always a lonely experience, sitting in the canteen with just a cup of manky water waiting to get in trouble. One time I started playing pool while I waited and got down to the final black when they called me in but I was so into the game I kept them waiting for like 7 minutes. When I eventually went in they asked why I had taken so long and I just said, ‘’sorry, I HAD to pot the black.’’ They weren’t amused.

We go in. I’m always really crap at keeping serious in situations like this when I know I’m in trouble, and that pisses them off even more.

‘’Right Carl, as you know I’m Alan Carter and I’m taking your meeting today, you know why you’re here don’t you?’’

‘’Whatever, can you just give me the warning because I got a shit load of trolleys to do and your wasting my time as well as your own sitting here telling me how slow I am,’’ I replied.

‘’Excuse me, he said, ‘’can you not take that tone with me. Were here to talk about your sickness the other day,’’

Now this confused me. I had briefed Flanders about the pick rate level, not about me throwing a sicky so now I had to make it up and hope he followed along.

‘’The main issue I have is that you didn’t call in, you just didn’t show up and that is a serious violation of Tesco rules that could lead to a dismissal, ‘’Said Carter.

Time for some quick thinking….

‘’I did try to call in but I had lost my voice with the illness I had, when I phoned the manager answered and they couldn’t here what I was saying so I hung up.’’

This was of course a big ass lie. I looked at John and he was struggling not to laugh but he kept his cool, you could see he was loving it.

So the meeting went on and I lied, and then I lied some more, before finally ending with an even bigger lie. They then ask you to wait outside while they consider the verdict. John comes out and tells me that I am hanging on by a thread but he could definitely get me off with a warning. He also calls me ‘a cheeky cunt’ for good measure. Here’s the best bit. He then goes in and tells them stuff like, ‘He is really sorry that he lost his voice’ and ‘I am sure he wont do it again, I’ve had a chat with him and he’s assured me of his remorse’. Blah blah blah. I didn’t even get a warning in the end, just a ‘next steps’ guideline to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

The Life Of A General Assistant At Tesco (part 1)

It’s 7:15am and I’m getting dressed to go to work, it’s a bit of a chore as I hate pulling on the blue shirt to be another nobody, that none of the managers really care about. Ah but am I nobody?!! Because lo and behold, I have a name badge. That’s it. That is the only thing that separates us all so I suppose i should be grateful. It’s a bit shit that on the way to work all I can think about is how much i don’t wanna be there, and people, that’s BEFORE I am even through the doors of death. So I arrive, there’s no drum roll, there’s no one waiting outside in the pouring rain to ask for my autograph, and there’s certainly nobody offering a good morning and how was your evening last night, just me and my shadow. I glance at the time and yes I am officially two minutes late, but I think to myself it will be ok as I’m sure no one will care….WRONG! all of a sudden I’m pounced upon by the store manager himself, Jason Banks (I won’t use his real name for legal reasons but if you change the ‘A’ to an ‘I’ in his surname that’s his real identity…..woops).

‘why are you late, why haven’t you shaved, why are not wearing the correct trousers, where is your name badge?’ bellows Banks.

Now bearing in my mind i have only been up for about 17 minutes and i haven’t even bothered to do my flies up yet, you can sympathize with me if I look like I actually don’t give a shit. I gently inform him that although he may be correct on three of the four points he has made, I do in fact have my name badge. Unfortunately this leads to him promising to take the smile away from my face. I thought to myself, well come and see me in about an hour and i promise I won’t be smiling, I will be sick of the sight of Tesco loo roll, or Value chops.

So, after the initial ‘pleasantries’ are over, I make my way to the dotcom area to load up the old trolley and say hello to the dot-com girls. I can’t clock in because I haven’t got a fucking clue where my card is, and to be honest i again, don’t give a fuck. The manager, Nicola Boyce, is barking out orders, what pick rates she wants etc etc…and then she turns to me, the scruffy, bleery eyed state at the back of the building.

‘Carl, I need you to work extra fast today as your pick rate has been letting the side down for the past month, If you don’t then we will have to have a chat upstairs.’ Great, I’ll get the biscuits and you bring the tea I chuckled to myself…

12:13PM, my pick rate is so low that a midget could touch it, and I know I’m in trouble. Mainly because I have just spent the last two hours with Simper (the wine guy and general funny man) hiding in the lift. That’s what we do. When we get bored, we hide in the lift. Up and down, up and down. I don’t think the managers have a clue which is why when were in there we can’t stop laughing at our naughtiness. It doesn’t matter if your 12 or 21, hiding is still fucking funny and exciting. Once, a fat man called Dave Manning got stuck in the lift, although he wasn’t hiding, he was going for lunch and just couldn’t be arsed to take the stairs. So he spent about an hour in there with no food, just his regrets. Rumour has it that he got so hungry he started to eat himself but this is yet to be confirmed.

On dotcom, if the item that’s been ordered isn’t available you have to exchange it for something that’s pretty close to it. On this particular occasion I decided it would be funny to exchange four pints of milk for a litre of mayonnaise. I didn’t know a ‘MR B DAVIES’ so what did I care. Unprofessional yes, funny, very much so. As I make my way to the dotcom base I am stopped in my tracks by the boss, who has a face like a slapped arse. In general her face was like that, even when she wasn’t angry so it was tough to tell the difference.

”Carl, your pick rate is unacceptable, we are having a disciplinary meeting, do you want any representative?.

Of course I do, now where’s John Hosier……..